Week-5-Coursework

Week 5 begins: I have made the submission for the FMP. I decided to do the submission and proposal completely under my own power. I did not consult with any-one about the concept, or any parts of the proposal, I did not even have it proof-read for mistakes. I wanted to do it on my own, completely, from beginning to end.

Of course, after the submission, I noticed mistakes (spelt my professors’s last name incorrectly) and some other spelling mistakes. Just the kind of faux-pas that I normally make in these situations. It always amazes me how these mistakes are not caught before a submission of a paper, or when writing a letter. Only caught after the fact.

I will wait and see what the outcome of the proposal is and what my pass mark is. I feel somewhat okay about fulfilling the learning outcomes, and trying to get my idea down and the grade will of course reflect this. I felt well prepared after the last module (702) I am very glad that it came late in the MA (The 4th module) as opposed to the 2nd module. This is because I began in January of 2018. Had I began in September 2017, Module 702 would have followed Module 701, instead of being a year later.  Module 702 was very challenging, however it was very well supported by Dr. Steph Cosgrove, and Paul Clements. I managed a distinction, so it was an indicator over the former modules that I had made progress.

However, the module was very heavily tutored (and I really needed this) So this module (705) I want to go it solo to see if what I have gleaned over the course so far has made an improvement of my cognitive functions as to apply the knowledge to my current practice and present module.

I found it strange that the FMP was ordered so early in this module. I would have liked a few more week to reflect, however, having to fulfill the submission early has been very beneficial. I may not have managed to get my ideas and concepts across critically enough, but it was a good foundation.  After the submission, I did have further clarification on my subject matter, and now will re-write it myself and fine-tune the project. I take courage from a fellow student (Rita Rodner)  (who’s FMP proposal was available to us.)  She also spoke to us on the last Module about her FMP. She did mention, that if one is not happy with the work, to keep on working at it till one is satisfied. Also it was only towards the very end of the FMP module that she got her act to-gether with how she was actually going to execute it.

I have been having nightmares about my FMP, every idea seemed great before I go to bed and the next morning I wake up hating everything about it.  This has been a pattern throughout the MA, also, at the beginning of every module, I feel like one of those bad dreams of going to school and you get there. Every time I begin a module I feel like I am beginning the whole MA all over again. By the end of it I feel like I have accomplished something. This time I took note fo those feelings, because when I started my FMP, again I felt like all my idea were useless, the project I had picked was waste of time, boring, uncreative.

I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the MA. I would enter a mechanic and leave an artist. This has been my battle this whole 1.5 years. I keep on sliding back to the mechanic. It has also been a battle my entire film and photo career. Always working on some-one else film, some-one else project, some-one else ideas. So I decided no more of the kind of work. I am done with it. That  ‘Fence’  in my life needs be crossed/vanquished/bridged once and for all. This is why my FMP subject matter is about “FENCES”   not the physical kind the mental kind. The physical is the mechanic part of me, the mental is the artist part of me, that is fenced in. I know it, have always known it, now, positions and practice really defines the loci of my self and the work I do.

Week-1-Contextual Research

Reading: This week I  read an article by Grant Scott: “Why is narrative such a difficult concept for your photographers.”  I don’t think this is limited to young photographers particularly, as I am finding it rather difficult to narrate my series on ‘Fences’

Continue reading Week-1-Contextual Research

Week 6 Coursework

This week I presented a paragraph Anna asked for.  What is ‘Fences’  about and what it means to me. I sent it and received a very +ve response, and it will be part of my oral presentation. The part that discusses where I was in the past, and where I am in my practice now!

I have been working on the oral presentation and it has been going well. Seems a lot easier to put together this time around, and Anna gave some good input as what is to be expected in the Oral this module. MLO was very informative and critical, and came out of it once again as I call it my creative therapy session.

Had a good after module conversation with Michael Turner,  fellow co-hort.  I was very impressed by his color abstracts, and the work he is doing. We had a good long creative talk after the MLO and  I discovered how much he saw into the images I presented this week.  For the first time experienced how an intuitive person interprets another’s work, again I look for genuineness when people critique my work and was very impressed by what Michael saw in my images, and patterns that I did not even see my self until pointed out.

I feel that this module is enabling me to stride out in a way that I have had problems with up until this time. In the prior two modules, the problems where brought to my attention (split, undecided as far as my portfolio was concerned) so grateful for that. This enabled me to have a ‘problem’ to solve, and feel that it was a lead up to this module, and glad it got resolved, albeit only in the beginning stages.

This is the first time that I will create (a word I NEVER used before the MA)  a complete ‘series’ of images with an emotional as well as a technical  thread that links them. Gary was always very patient, and constantly said that his was only the second module (MOD_703) to relax, and go photograph and work it out by doing. He knows that I am very ‘heady’ and abstract, that I needed more concrete work and he encouraged me to go shoot images.

Stella brought up the fact that it’s okay to fail, that failure is part of the process, so that helped me through, instead of stopping short, like I did before. Would have an idea, think it was magnificent, and such a genius for thinking about it. However upon waking up the next morning, I would think myself an idiot for thinking up something so stupid and I would quit before I even started. Both Stella and Gary got me over that. Now I do, then think, before it was think then do (or not do) as was most of the time.  So changing my approach helped me get over that fence, in the last module.

My failure piece: real vs illusion, ie real vs mirror, no idea what I was trying to do, or say, did it anyway, felt stupid presenting it and of course good ol’ Gary compounded my insecurities (with +ve outcome) he was honest and I appreciated that, and suggested what I could have done different…better and made me think further out than the immediate place I was while making this.

 

 

 

 

 

Week 5 Project Development.

This week I have been out photographing. . . a lot. Working on my series for this module. “Fences”  This module has been the eye opener for me, as far as my work goes. Something has clicked, I have had cognitive breakthrough. That linking of feelings and emotions to the work has happened.  It is a key factor, if it’s genuine, and I finally feel it’s genuine. Up until this point, I was faking it,  there was no genuine link between my emotions and my images.

I made a technically ‘good image’ so to speak. I don’t have any problems in that department, I have been doing it long enough. Emotionally though, I was in a vacuum, pushing and fighting particles of air, that wasn’t even there, is the best way I can describe it.

I have been fighting shadows and phantoms my whole life and for once, I feel I can land a punch against something solid, actual. . . concrete. And it’s hurts, but it’s a good hurt, there is a physical connection, I understand the reason for the pain. before it was a fake pain, a phantom . . . not real.

I don’t like to use the word pain, however, my struggle has been has beeb just that, however, out of that pain is emerging a joy that I want, and will celebrate with my series ‘Fences’  it is a metaphor of what has been keeping me in, corralled, quartered creatively.  This description here is a watered down diluted version, and may change over the next years of my life. However, change is a good thing, getting rid of old baggage, ideas, concepts, beliefs, ideologies, methodologies,  and techniques that does not further the cause. As a quote from a travel book I love states: “Pass by that which you do not love!”  I always wondered what that meant exactly?  Here, some 10 years later, I understand it. Here are some images:

Fences:

Week 5 Coursework

This week has been a breakthrough week for me. For the longest time, over two modules, in fact, I had a problem of putting together a series of images that is linked: in concept, idea and image. Up until this point, I have been happy with the singular image, and have battled with linking an idea with a series of images.

Anna suggested to start with a ‘micro-series’ of images that are related. This suggestion really made the task easier, because I looked at it as a small series, which I decided to limit to three or four images. I have always liked the number three, so I linked the concept of micro to three, and this made my ability to move into a micro-series of 3, or in my case 4 images.

I wanted to make the series in the confines of my yard, and see if it could be done. (an ego trip to be one up on Edward Weston, who limited his work to one square mile, at Point Lobos) never realizing how I was fencing myself in, and, not in a good way. Sure, it is possible to do…now what!

Related: For the past week, I have been looking at a cell tower that was constructed near my house (1/4 mile away, direct line of sight) and realized that the fence I have around my property is useless. The fence has served well in terms of keeping intruders out, but  for the dangers of EMF’s and RF’s, (Electro Magnetic Fields ((RF)) Radio Frequency)  it has no protection at all.

I started to think about this and figured that I have to figure a way around this problem, and decided not to be fenced in by other peoples information put out there on the internet and to do some research and tests of my own on the subject.  By doing some EMF measurements on an RF meter, to measure the EMF’s emitted from other cell phone towers in close proximity.(this will be another project down the line) This way, by gathering information, testing, and making my own informed decision, this whole affair spawned the idea to make a micro series on ‘fences’ both as a physical structure and the metaphorical concept of the mind.

I decided to make a series of images of a wooden fence that I have on one side of the property, and another micro series on a rusty chainlink fence I have on the back side of my house.

When I started to photograph, the intruding thoughts started to pervade, about the idea being ridiculous and stupid. At this point, I would normally  stop the project and move to another idea. This time, I decided to take the idea of former tutor Stella Baraklianou. (I will cite under contextual research) about failure and the acceptance and benefits of it.

I decided to forge on with the series, good, bad or indifferent.  As I was photographing and forging on, I went back to re-photograph the wooden fence I had photographed earlier, later in the day.  By this time the sun was setting, and through a crack in the fence, I caught a flash of sunlight. I decided to make a series on following the light (as cliche and banal as one can get) but decided to follow though. As I held my camera up to the slit in the fence and looked through the lens, I was transported into another world, of beauty, color, shape, line, shadow and abstraction (my favorite photographic genre) and made a few images.

I then went on to a second series of 3 to 4 images at the rusty chain link fence ant the back of my property.  I had made a few images here in the past, but not a series. I made the first image of a weed head growing through the fence. Then wondered how it would look from the other side of the fence, so I went up and around to make that point of view. It was as beautiful but in a different way. The lighting was more top and the background a smoother shade of grey. Not better, but different. It gave me a perspective from the other side of the fence. The third image, is of the chain link, not the fence itself, but the shadow of the fence, cast onto some fencing cloth. So, at fist glance it looks like chain link, but once pointed out, it is in fact a shadow. Sometimes a little knowledge of the image can dispel many questions.

The last image, is of a shaft of wild grass growing through the fence. As I made the image, I noticed as much grass behind the fence, as in front of it, and thought: ‘Nature is not constrained by boundaries.’ It lives, grows and thrives, behind, in front, above, or through the fence. I have decided to adopt this attribute in my life as well as in my work from now on, and no longer be confined by the physical fence of my yard, or the mental fence of my mind.

A simple blade of grass showed me what true freedom is all about! This kind of philosophy has been with me always, however, now it takes on an understanding, that I could not grasp before.

        

                  

 

               

The webinar with Krishna was very informative. She suggested that I make photographs every day. I said that I do, but she reminded me to keep it in the vane of series, and thinking about the images as a series. So it’s good that I am finally getting into the groove of working from and idea, instead of from an image that was made. This series ‘Fences’ was born out of ‘Yardwork’ and that was to make images around my yard. I am happy that it was able to be made into a series, as opposed to multiple images with no relation, which could very easily have been the outcome were I not guided this week by Anna and Krishna.

There are no wrong notes, some are just more wrong than others!